These Advice given by A Dad That Saved Us during my time as a New Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the reality soon proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who continue to hold onto damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a respite - spending a couple of days away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."